EVOLVE with Dr. Milton

Psychological manipulation can be defined as the utilization of undue power (social, relational, familial, sexual, financial, professional, etc.) for the purpose of benefiting the manipulator at the expense of their victims.
Dr. Gottman's Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:
1. Criticism
Criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint.  It is an attack on your partner at the core of their character. In effect, you are dismantling their whole being when you criticize.
2. Contempt
When we communicate in this state, we are truly mean—we treat others with disrespect, mock them with sarcasm, ridicule, call them names, and mimic or use body language such as eye-rolling or scoffing. The target of contempt is made to feel despised and worthless.
3. Defensiveness
This is typically a response to criticism. We’ve all been defensive, and this horseman is nearly omnipresent when relationships are on the rocks. When we feel unjustly accused, we fish for excuses and play the innocent victim so that our partner will back off.
4. Stonewalling
This is usually a response to contempt. Stonewalling occurs when the listener withdraws from the interaction, shuts down, and simply stops responding to their partner. Rather than confronting the issues with their partner, people who stonewall can make evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, acting busy, or engaging in obsessive or distracting behaviors.
Most manipulative individuals have four common characteristics:
They know how to detect your weaknesses.
Once found, they use your weaknesses against you.
Through their shrewd machinations, they convince you to give up something of yourself in order to serve their self-centered interests.
In work, social, and family situations, once a manipulator succeeds in taking advantage of you, he or she will likely repeat the violation until you put a stop to the exploitation.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance  and other changes, including low self-esteem. Using denial, misdirection, contradiction, and misinformation, gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim's beliefs. Instances can range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents occurred, to belittling the victim's emotions and feelings, to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.
1.  Know Your Fundamental Human Rights*
 
The single most important guideline when you’re dealing with a psychologically manipulative person is to know your rights, and recognize when they’re being violated. As long as you do not harm others, you have the right to stand up for yourself and defend your rights. On the other hand, if you bring harm to others, you may forfeit these rights. Following are some of our fundamental human rights:
You have the right to be treated with respect.
You have the right to express your feelings, opinions and wants.
You have the right to set your own priorities.
You have the right to say “no” without feeling guilty.
You have the right to get what you pay for.
You have the right to have opinions different than others.
You have the right to take care of and protect yourself from being threatened physically, mentally or emotionally.
You have the right to create your own happy and healthy life.
These fundamental human rights represent your boundaries
 
If you are needing help and desire to set an appointment to meet and discuss whatever is going on in your life use the following link: (currently all sessions are done virtually)
https://miltonlifecoach.as.me/ 
Links to my social media: (to send a message like and follow - send a message)
https://www.instagram.com/miltonlouisgonzalez/
 

Vision is a powerful God-given gift that many have forsaken.Sight is of the eyes but vision is of the heart. (Helen Keller - the only thing worse than being blind is having sight yet no vision)Vision goes hand in hand with God’s promise for you and your family.People of great faith are able to envision God’s promises coming to fruition in their lives (affirmation and declaration without action is the beginning of insanity)
A vision that comes into alignment (vertical) with God’s word will produce a blessed outcome, however, a skewed vision will produce undesirable results.
Amos 3:3: how can two walk together if they don’t come into agreement (breakthrough won’t come for an undecided mind) Indecision is closely related to doubt and fear
Paul told the people of Corinth “for we walk by faith and not by sight”
Our life is a matter of faith and not sight. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen (Heb 11:1)…
I can’t see it, I can’t hear it, feel it BUT I know that my breakthrough is coming!!!
Corrie Ten Boom "Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible.”
You have to position yourself in order to receive.You won’t receive if you are not disciplined enough to position yourself.  Noah didn’t wait for the rain to start building an Ark. God gave him a vision, he believed, and he ran with it. And his obedience brought forth blessing.
Job “What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me”.
Research: increased concern of becoming infected with a virus or developing a disease increases your probabilities substantially
The thoughts you entertain will become your destiny in life
Prov 4:23 “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (NLT)”
Paul to the Romans: be transformed by the renewing of your mind
Paul to the Philippians: whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. 
If you ever want to know where someone’s mind has been living just listen to what they are saying because what they’re saying will reveal what’s in their hearts.
Jesus said (Matt 12:34) “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks”
1.Faith sees and hears the invisible
2.Faith presses on even when there’s no sign or answer
3.Faith endures even when the evidence is small
4.Faith sees a breakthrough before it happens
 
 

FEAR is a LIAR. FEAR incapacitates, handicaps, and paralyzes you. FEAR as an acronym:
F alse
E vidence
A ppearing
R eal
 
The more you repeat an idea in your mind, whether true or false, the faster your subconscious mind will accept it as a reality. And your whole physiology will come into alignment with what it believes.
 
Hardly ever is FEAR genetically coded within our DNA, 90% of the time it is learned behavior. Most of the time it's the result of our childhood traumas, experiences, or simply the way your mother and father parented you.
 
FEAR send your body into one of three different responses: FIGHT, FLIGHT or FREEZE.
 
Trypanophobia is an extreme fear of medical procedures involving injections or hypodermic needles.
 
Hemophobia is an extreme fear of seeing blood, or getting tests or shots where blood may be involved.
 
Cortisol: stress hormone
Oxytocin: love (calm) hormone
 
Calming Techniques:
diaphragmatic breathing
guided imagery 
tapping
 Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
 
In vivo exposure refers to the direct confrontation of feared objects, activities or situations by a person under the guidance of a therapist.
 
Your default mode is not fear, it's POWER, LOVE, and a SOUND MIND.
 
Breaking free from the vicious fear and anxiety cycle is going to require that you reframe and recalibrate your mind.
 
Robin Sharma's Four Interior Empires: MINDSET, HEARTSET, SOULSET, and HEALTHSET
 
 
Keep calm and avoid in the midst of the wave of panic:
stay away from social media and up-to-the-minutes news
know the facts and understand the truth
actively remind yourself of reason not to worry
create a new routine
occupy your mind with relaxing hobbies
if you live alone call a friend
if you are suffering from extreme fear and anxiety seek help from a specialist
Psalm 27:1 - The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?
 
 
(music credits: Zach Williams - Fear is a Liar)

COVID-19 has three demons attached to it: DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, and FEAR. 
 
Depression is on the rise and fear has become a normal emotion that people are learning to live with, notice I didn't say cope with I said live with. 
 
A third of Americans show signs of clinical depression and anxiety. These and other mental conditions are becoming amplified during the recent pandemic, while COVID-19 patients and their families are also at high risk to develop depression and anxiety.
 
Maurizio Fava, psychiatrist-in-chief, within the Massachusetts General Hospital, is not surprised by the correlation between mental health conditions and COVID-19. “It’s quite understandable the COVID-19 pandemic is likely to cause significant stress and psychological distress for a large proportion of the population,” he says. “And we know the rates are progressively increasing.”
 
According to Dr. Fava, there are various factors related to COVID-19 that contribute to the increase in depression rates, including:
Trauma from widespread disease
Grief over losses of life
Fear of getting sick
Unprecedented physical distancing
Financial concerns, including unemployment and housing insecurity
Loss of community
Reduced access to caregivers
Symptoms of depression include:
Unusual sadness or irritability, persisting even when circumstances change
Loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed; reduced feelings of anticipation
Changes in weight
Shifts in sleep patterns
Sluggishness
Harsh self-assessment (“I’m ugly. I’m no good. I’ll never make friends.”)
Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness
Suicidal ideation 
Four Classic Types of Psychological Depression:
Normal or Situational Depression
Masked or Hidden Depression
Neurotic Depression
Psychotic Depression
SAD: Seasonal Affective Disorder - occurs in climates where there is less sunlight at certain times of the year. Symptoms include fatigue, depression, hopelessness, and social withdrawal.Treatment includes light therapy (phototherapy), talk therapy, and medications.
 
Scriptures to Memorize if you are feeling depressed:
Psalm 130:5
Psalm 54:4
Psalm 42:11
Phil 4:8
Phil 4:6-7
James 1:12
Prov 15:22
Isaiah 43:2
Job 6:10
Jeremiah 29:11
 
credits: "Modern Love" final scene with Anne Hathaway 
 

I want to encourage you today to be filled with hope and to wait on the Lord who is more than able to show Himself strong in your life and who can suddenly change your circumstances
God is preparing you for the promise. He’s not preparing the promise for you though. The promise is there. It’s been there!
It’s easy to believe for someone else's healing It’s easy to believe that God is able to set the captives free It's easy to believe that God desires to prosper his children. It’s easy to believe that He is the God that is more than enough. But then we have a hard time believing all this for our lives... as if God favored others and really didn't care for us.
You must realize that God can suddenly show up and heal you completely and restore your body.
You must believe that God can show up and break that addiction
Believe that He can suddenly show up and save your marriage or suddenly show up and give your that promotion to a higher place.
You have got to start believing today that God wants to do this and more in your life. Not only is He able, He is WILLING.
Luke 5:12-13 12 While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came []along who was covered with leprosy. a When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”13 Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” And immediately (SUDDENLY OR UNEXPECTEDLY) the leprosy left him.
Our God never changes.
He is the same yesterday, today and forever.He does not move based
on attitude, or personality.
He is not moved by your credentials, achievements, accolades or who
you know.
HE IS MOVED BY FAITH AND FAITH ALONE. “Without faith it is impossible to please God because anyone who comes to him must believe that he  exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him”. (Heb 11:6)
One of the devil’s biggest lies is that your situation is never gonna change, never get healed, never overcome, never be set free, never prosper, that this is your lot in life and that your are destined to fail.
The devil's main goal is to completely destroy your hope to the point where start to accept His lies as truth, to the point where you start to visualize the way he wants you to see yourself to the point when your are fully convinced that nothing is going to change in your life.
Don’t fall into his trap, don’t believe his lies...no matter how bad you have had it in life, no matter how bad the circumstance you are facing today no matter how many times u have told that things aren't gonna change it is IMPERATIVE that you understand that God is a God of the suddenly, He can suddenly show up and turn your whole situation around in the blinking of an eye.
Heb 11:1 1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Rom 10:177 So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God..(NKJV)
Stop declaring negativity over your life. stop declaring defeat and start declaring victory.
The Word (Prov 18:21) tells us that life and death are in the power of the tongue.
Your words are like seeds planted in the mind that will eventually germinate, grow and produce a fruit and of the that fruit you will eat.
if we are continually thinking sickness, you will eventually end up sick • if you are continually feeding your mind with fear you will eventually end up a nervous wreck.
1.believe in faith
2.ask in faith
3.and wait on the Lord in faith
4.and expect a suddenly from God
 
 

You can control your feelings if you control your thoughts and if you control your thoughts you can also control your final outcome in life!
We have been taught that we are what we eat and although there is some truth to that I am here to tell you that you are what you THINK!
*There are two solid differences between successful and unsuccessful people... they think differently and they have a different kind of attitude.
Some of my favorite quotes on thinking
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” - Henry Ford
“whatever things are true, noble, just, pure, lovely and of good report, if there is any virtue and if there’s anything praiseworthy; think of these things” - Paul the Apostle (you have the ability to choose your thoughts)
A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.- Mohandas K. Gandhi
Ralph Waldo Emerson “Life consists of what a man thinks all day” – Everything begins with a thought
20 positives are destroyed by one negative
Our words and thoughts are directly connected in our frontal lobe.This brain area controls the higher functions of the human mind, such as memory, mood, general thinking, language production, personality, and consciousness.
What you believe about yourself today will truly influence your life and give it direction.Many have been pre-programmed with lies regarding their past regarding: poverty, disease, divorce, death, beliefs, culture.
a) Our thoughts determine our destiny. Our destiny determines our legacy. – James Allen (you are today what you thought yesterday and you will be tomorrow what you thought today.) 
b) People who go to the top think differently than others. – William Arthur Ward (nothing limits achievement like small thinking; nothing expands possibilities like unleashed thinking) 
Change is a choice and its within you
1. Evaluate your present attitudes
2. Ask yourself “is my faith stronger than my fears”?
3. Find your purpose in life and write it down.
4. Determine if you have the desire to change.
5. Live one day at a time.
6. Change you thought patterns. 7. Develop good habits.
 
 
 
 

Taking old habits into a new chapter will only produce the same results - Changed beliefs will produce a different outcome.
*If you always do what you have always done, and you always think what you have always thought you always get what you have always gotten…
Deut 30:19 This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.
Strongholds DEFINED - A stronghold is a faulty thinking pattern based on lies and deception. Deception is one of the primary weapons of the devil, because it is the building blocks for a stronghold. What strongholds can do is cause us to think in ways which block us from God's best.
HOW IT STARTS - It often starts with a wound we experience, a hurt or disappointment that makes our heart fertile ground for seeds of lies to be planted. On this foundation, the enemy then begins to build brick by brick, a wall of lies, inaccurate ideas about the person of God, wrongful interpretations of Scripture, prideful thoughts, and distorted perceptions of how God sees us and feels about us when we sin.
His 3 greatest weapons against us:
1. deception
2. temptation
3. accusations
Stronghold is a - Thought process, way of thinking, patterns, paradigm, mental construct, and visualizations that have formed over time and slowly induce us to believe something that is no whether it be about us, others or God. - invisible yet powerful - they’re located in the mind - we see people’s attitudes and those are just an outward expression of their inward state of mind.
Breaking Strongholds (4 R’S)
1. Reveal
2. Repent
3. Renew 
4. Resist 
Now when you say one thing and do another repeatedly over time research (through the use of functional MRIs) has proven that this faulty thinking referred to a “Cognitive Dissonance” creates toxicity in the brain developing into what we know as brain fog at times increasing stress levels and creating inflammation. When we suppress (lie to ourselves) in order to avoid confronting an issue it damages our whole being.
REMEMBER: your default mode is POWER, LOVE and a SOUND MIND…not fear, stress, and reckless behavior.
You have the capacity through the connectedness with the HS to produce LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, GENTLENESS , FAITHFULNESS and SELF-CONTROL • change your belief • a changed belief produces a different behavior • different behavior will produce a different outcome
TAKE AWAY: You have to get to a point in your life in which you start to understand that you are not a victim of your biology, you are not captive to your genealogy, you are only a result of your psychology. In other words you cannot control circumstances or life events however you can control your reaction to such circumstances and events and that will determine the course of your life; for good or for evil.
NEURO-PLASTICITY - the brains capacity to become malleable and adaptable, changing moment by moment every day. Science has now concluded that the brain is not a hard wired machine unable to adapt. After years of research they have concluded that the brain has the capacity to renew itself. 
Romans 12:2 (NLT) Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND) The SPIRIT is REGENERATED in CHRIST The MIND needs to RENEWED by our choice and decision.
Steps for Detoxing the Mind
1) Identify (bring thoughts into consciousness / awareness) - Psalm 139 (NLV) 23 Look through me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts. 24 See if there is any sinful way in me and lead me in the way that lasts forever.
2) Focus (deep thought, visualizations, reflection produces physical changes in the brain / neuro-plasticity) Phil 4:8 (NLT) 8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 
3) Write (this action will consolidate the new thoughts connecting both hemispheres of the brain and activating the basal ganglia, cerebellum and motor cortex / writing it will bring more clarity and will allow for the thought to go from short term to long term)
Habakkuk 2:2 The LORD gave me this answer: "Write down clearly on tablets what I reveal to you, so that it can be read at a glance.
4) Rehearse/Revisit (good intentions aren’t enough / intentions coupled with discipline and consistency are key) James 1: 22-24 (The Message) Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don’t act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.
 
 

Vision is a powerful thing!
Thats why the enemy of our souls works diligently to abort you from having a visualization of seeing yourself any better off than you are. he does not want you to see yourself
Progressing
moving forward
Overcoming
walking in victory,
being consecrated
living holy
walking in deliverance
•he would rather give you visions of
you falling
Falling
getting sick
going down
Aging
being poor
getting depressed
If you constantly envision yourself failing you will never succeed, envision yourself sick and I assure you that you won’t walk in complete healing. •You are fueling your own defeat by what you fantasize.
The reason some of us are faltering and failing right now is that we have a visualization of ourselves that does not coincide with the Word of God.And what you visualize in your spirit will happen in your life.
Satan is a liar, he is the father of all lies, he is an imitator, he’s a counterfeit he’s out to steal, kill and destroy. He’s out to get you. He’s a mind control freak. You open your mind to him and he will surely take over.
Some people are naturally strong and tenacious, they have a relentless spirit that makes them see the materialization, the realization of a dream. They fight their way through until they see things materialize in their lives.
I’m fascinated at how Elijah has this ability to see the future and to envision something that isn’t there and to be so sure of it. It’s one thing to think it but its another thing to say it.
“Go tell Ahab to eat and drink and get ready for there is going to be a huge rain, there’s going to be a great abundance of rain.
He’s not saying it might drizzle a bit… Here is Elisha in the middle of nothing, extreme drought and he says “there’s going to be an abundance of rain”!!!
Not everybody has the kind of vision that thinks of abundance in the middle of a drought. Very few people will speak abundance in a drought. Some people won’t speak abundance in abundance.
In fact you have to be
a radical kind of person,
a little bit demented,
a little bit crazy, a bit weird,
a bit strange to “call things that are not as though they were Rom 4:17”  “to speak as though it was even when it is not”  
That’s what faith is...I call it the way I see it. I’m not talking about seeing with the natural eyes, I’m talking about the spirit man, the eyes of faith!
I can’t see it, I can’t hear it, can’t sense it at all BUT I know it is there.
I may be sick but I know that my healing is there,
my son or daughter may have run away BUT I know he is coming back,
I see people gettin laid off BUT I know that my God shall supply for my needs!!!
 
Do you want to know what a person is seeing? listen to what they are saying, because you’re gonna say what you see. If your mouth is talking down here, your life is gonna go where your mouth is.
“Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh (Matt 12:34)” Your mouth is a reflection of where your heart has been living…
That’s why you can’t have a conversation with everybody because they are speaking doubt and your speaking faith; you are in two different dimensions.
Some of you haven’t realized that your vision is what has you living in mediocrity;
I don't think my son will ever change,
I don't think I will ever get out of debt,
I don't think I will ever heal...my granpa died of heart attack, so did my dad...im destined to die of one too.
sees and hears what the world cannot.
Faith presses on even when there’s no sign or answer
Faith endures even when the evidence is small
Faith sees a breakthrough even when the answer seems weak.
 
 

I am blessed with two boys and two grandkids and my ultimate goal in life is to lead them to the Father through the Son. My focus is not that they become popular, wealthy, or attend the best universities, or land a dream job....NO... my only focus is to live a life that will cause them to thirst and hunger after God.
 - your actions speak so loudly that I can’t hear what you say - R. W. Emerson
1 John 3:4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. (KJV)
Let me for a moment focus on dads, that doesn’t mean that I am underestimating the power of a mother. Women become moms the moment they find out they’re expecting, Men become dads the moment they carry the baby.
-  the power of a dad in a child’s life is unmatched
-  one hug from dad is worth 20 kisses from mom
-  who we are as dads speaks of who our children will become in the future
- your son will become like you
- your daughter will end up marrying someone like you
Men, you have the power to impact your children either for good or for bad, you words bless them or curse them, you have the power to lift them up or tear them down, you can either fill them hope or inundate their minds and hearts with despair
- I have set before you life or death, blessings and curses, choose life that you and your children may live (Deut 30:19)
- as a father you MUST have the mindset that being a father is your most important MINISTRY-
Prov 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (KJV)
You have such a small window of opportunity to impact their lives and to train them up (a child, not a young teen, not a young adult, a child)
- 0-11 trainer (coach) - 12-18 counselor - 19-rest of their lives advisor
Before you can “train them up” you must connect to their hearts. You can’t lead them by the hand it you haven’t earned their hearts.
- Do you care for me? - Can I trust you? - Can you help me?
Our example as parents can cause our children to draw close to God or simply run away from Him because their hearts are incredulous
Whatever we speak over our children, 80% of the time, will come to fruition. Our words are prophetic.
Avoid telling your child what he will become based on what you see in the natural or based on your own childhood traumas, your fears, failures, hurts, and hang ups.
If you sow seeds of defeat in the hearts of your children don’t expect them to walk in victory
sow seeds of neglect and watch them seek someone else’s attention
Three things kids need from their father
1. Words of Affirmation / Prov 18:21 - the tongue has power of life and death
2. Physical Touch / Luke 5:13 - Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.
3. Active Love / 1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
It’s so much more difficult for a child to develop a relationship with the Heavenly Father when there is no apparent relationship with his earthly father.
- Oftentimes children will use their father’s relationship as a frame of reference through which they see God the Father.
4 ways to parent
Rules - Relationship = Rebellion
Relationship - Rules = Aggression
Absence = Desperation (a state of despair) (not quality over
quantity)
Rules + Relationship = Blessings
Children are like arrows in the hands of a skilled warrior, blessed is the man whose quiver is filled with such arrows - Psalm 127:4-5
~You must first be a disciple before you can become a teacher~
Your kids should see you:
- worship
- pray
- repent
- study the Word
- love their mother
Four Basic Needs of a Son/Daughter
1. Love (1 Cor 8:1 “Love makes us strong”) 2. Security 3. Purpose 4. Acceptance
Heb 12:1 Since we have such a huge crowd of men of faith watching us from the grandstands, let us strip off anything that slows us down or holds us back, and especially those sins that wrap themselves so tightly around our feet and trip us up; and let us run with patience the particular race that God has set before us.
 
 

This is my TED Talk from 2015. It is a portion of my life's testimony and some of the lessons I learned through the process. I hope it blesses you.