EVOLVE with Dr. Milton

13 REASONS WHY NOT - an episode on teen suicide

Suicidal ideation (or suicidal thoughts) is thinking about suicide with deliberate consideration or planning. It is not a diagnosis in the DSM-5, but is rather a symptom of many mental disorders.
 
Youth Suicide: Facts, Signs and Risk Factors
Suicide is the second leading cause of death in the United States—starting with children at age 10 all the way up to adults at age 33.
More teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease combined.
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US for all ages. (CDC)
Every day, approximately 123 Americans die by suicide. (CDC)
There is one death by suicide in the US every 12 minutes. (CDC)
Depression affects 20-25% of Americans ages 18+ in a given year. (CDC)
Suicide takes the lives of over 48,300 Americans every year. (CDC)
Only half of all Americans experiencing an episode of major depression receive treatment. (NAMI)
80% -90% of people that seek treatment for depression are treated successfully using therapy and/or medication. (TADS study)
An estimated quarter million people each year become suicide survivors (AAS).
There is one suicide for every estimated 25 suicide attempts. (CDC)
There is one suicide for every estimated 4 suicide attempts in the elderly. (CDC)
Children and adolescents thinking about suicide may make openly suicidal statements or comments such as, "I wish I was dead," or "I won't be a problem for you much longer." Other warning signs associated with suicide can include:
changes in eating or sleeping habits
frequent or pervasive sadness
withdrawal from friends, family, and regular activities
frequent complaints about physical symptoms often related to emotions, such as stomachaches, headaches, fatigue, etc.
decline in the quality of schoolwork
preoccupation with death and dying
Young people who are thinking about suicide may also stop planning for or talking about the future. They may begin to give away important possessions.
A teen’s risk for suicide varies with age, gender, and cultural and social influences. Risk factors may change over time. They are:
One or more mental or substance abuse problems
Impulsive behaviors
Undesirable life events such as being bullied or recent losses, such as the death of a parent
Family history of mental or substance abuse problems
Family history of suicide
Family violence, including physical, sexual, or verbal or emotional abuse
Past suicide attempt
Gun in the home
Imprisonment
Exposure to the suicidal behavior of others, such as from family or peers, in the news, or in fiction stories
Call your teen’s healthcare provider right away if your teen:
Feels extreme depression, fear, anxiety, or anger toward him or herself or others
Feels out of control
Hears voices that others don’t hear
Sees things that others don’t see
Can’t sleep or eat for 3 days in a row
Shows behavior that concerns friends, family, or teachers, and others express concern about this behavior and ask you to seek help
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PICTURE PERFECT - breaking free from the perfectionism trap

Perfectionism by definition: perfectionism is an outward expression of an inward lack of peace.
Perfectionism is driven primarily by internal pressures, such as the desire to avoid failure or harsh judgment. There is likely a social component as well, because perfectionistic tendencies have increased substantially among young people over the past 30 years, regardless of gender or culture. Greater academic and professional competition is thought to play a role, along with the pervasive presence of social media and the harmful social comparisons it elicits.
Perfection manifests itself in three domains. Self-oriented perfectionism is imposing an unrealistic desire to be perfect on oneself. Other-oriented perfectionism means imposing unrealistic standards of perfection on others. Socially-prescribed perfectionism involves perceiving unrealistic expectations of perfection from others.
Perfectionists are:
All or nothing mindset
Highly critical
Pushed by fear
Hold unrealistic standards
Focus on results
Depressed by unmet goals
Afraid of failure
Procrastinate
Defensive
Low self-esteem
FREEDOM from perfectionistic tendencies:
Fulfill your God given call to live under grace and not the law.
Release your burden and guilt to God
Eliminate your need to please others and seek to please God alone
Enlarge your time for rest, recreation, and communion with God
Decide to acknowledge your personal feelings honestly and release all resentment
Obey Jesus's mandate to live under the law of love rather than fear
Maintain your sense of significance and satisfy your need for security by finding your identity in Christ
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DYSFUNCTION - chronicles of a broken childhood

 What exactly is a DYSFUNCTIONAL family?
The McGraw-Hill Concise Dictionary of modern Medicine defines the term 'dysfunctional family' as "a family with multiple 'internal' conflicts, e.g. sibling rivalries, parent-child conflicts, domestic violence, mental illness, single parenthood, or 'external' conflicts, e.g. alcohol or drug abuse, extramarital affairs, gambling, unemployment-influences that affect the basic needs of the family unit."
People tend to learn their parenting styles from their parents or other caregivers. If their parents abused them, they may abuse their children. Or, they may go overboard the other direction, being unnecessarily lenient. They may manipulate each other and their children as their parents did. They may not truly understand how to teach their children in healthy ways.
The good news for people who grew up in a dysfunctional family is that they can learn better ways of parenting. They can deal with the issues they still carry as adults and learn how to love, appreciate, respect, and deal with each other in a less emotional, erratic way. All they need is the willingness to do the work it takes to overcome those issues and find someone to teach them better ways to parent.
It’s important to disclaim that the idea of a perfect parent/family is a myth. Parents are human, flawed and experiencing their own concerns. Most children can deal with an occasional angry outburst, as long as there is love and understanding to counter it. In “functional” families, parents strive to create an environment in which everyone feels safe, heard, loved and respected. Households are often characterized by low conflict, high levels of support and open communication (Shaw, 2014). This helps children navigate physical, emotional and social difficulties when they are young, and has lasting impacts as they transition into adulthood.
During their younger years, children form certain beliefs and carry them, unchallenged, into adulthood. These beliefs are influenced by their parents’ actions and statements and are often internalized, for instance, “children should respect their parents no matter what,” “it’s my way or no way” or “children should be seen, not heard.” This forms the soil from which toxic behavior grows and may be communicated directly or disguised as words of advice, expressed in terms of “shoulds”, “oughts” and “supposed tos.”
What are ACEs?
The term “ACEs” is an acronym for Adverse Childhood Experiences. It originated in a groundbreaking study conducted in 1995 by the Centers for Disease Control and the Kaiser Permanente health care organization in California. In that study, “ACEs” referred to three specific kinds of adversity children faced in the home environment—various forms of physical and emotional abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction. The key findings of dozens of studies using the original ACEs data are: (1) ACEs are quite common, even among a middle-class population: more than two-thirds of the population report experiencing one ACE, and nearly a quarter have experienced three or more. (2) There is a powerful, persistent correlation between the more ACEs experienced and the greater the chance of poor outcomes later in life, including dramatically increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, obesity, depression, substance abuse, smoking, poor academic achievement, time out of work, and early death.
Examples of ACEs include enduring or being exposed to abuse or neglect, familial violence, mental illness, parental separation, divorce or substance abuse.
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I AM VICTIM - breaking free from the the victim mentality by adopting a new identity

What is a Victim Mentality?
Victim mentality is a psychological term that refers to a type of dysfunctional mindset which seeks to feel persecuted in order to gain attention or avoid self-responsibility. People who struggle with the victim mentality are convinced that life is not only beyond their control, but is out to deliberately hurt them. This belief results in constant blame, finger-pointing, and pity parties that are fueled by pessimism, fear, and anger. The victim mentality is an acquired personality trait, meaning that it is the result of early life conditioning and coping mechanisms.
Why do some individual's like playing the victim? In their minds being a victim has its benefits, for instance:
Not having to take responsibility for anything
Other people lavishing you with attention
Other people feeling sorry for you
Other people are less likely to criticize or upset you
You have the “right” to complain
You’re more likely to get what you want
You feel interesting because you get to tell people all of your stories
You don’t have to feel bored because there’s too much drama going on
You get to avoid and bypass anger because you’re too busy feeling sad
Playing the victim actually gives them a lot of power: power to avoid responsibility, power to feel “righteously” sad and persecuted, power to avoid uncomfortable emotions, and power to manipulate other people.
How to stop being the victim?
Start by replacing "you" with "I"
See yourself as a survivor
Be kind and compassionate towards yourself
Explore your mistaken beliefs
Ask, "what thought is creating this suffering?"
Practice being grateful
Affirm responsibility
Perform an act of kindness for someone else
Discover your new identity in Christ
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References
Sol, M. (2020, March 28). 23 Signs You’re Suffering From a Victim Mentality ⋆. LonerWolf. https://lonerwolf.com/victim-mentality/
 

Breakthrough Vision -Seeing It Happen On The Inside Before It Happens On The Outside

The reason some of people are faltering and failing right now is that they have a visualization of themselves that does not coincide with the Word of God. And what you visualize in your spirit will happen in your life.
Vision is a powerful thing!
Thats why the enemy of our souls works diligently to abort you from having a visualization of seeing yourself any better off than you are. He does not want you to see yourself
Progressing
moving forward
Overcoming
walking in victory,
being consecrated
living holy
walking in deliverance
being the head and not the tail
He would rather give you visions of
you falling
Falling
getting sick
going down
Aging
being poor
getting depressed
Progression
Thoughts become words, words influence our emotions
our emotions affect our decisions, our decisions affect our actions
our actions become habits, our habits shape our character
and our character leads us to our final destination in life… and it all started with a thought!!!
If you truly want to experience God’s best for your life, the life that overflows then you have to line up your thoughts with the Word of God. Vertical alignment NOT  a horizontal one!!!
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The Delilah Dilemma - THE PROFILE OF A CODEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP AND HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM IT

By definition: Codependency is characterized by a person belonging to a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship where one person relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional and self-esteem needs. It also describes a relationship that enables another person to maintain their irresponsible, addictive, or underachieving behavior.
Signs of codependency include:
Difficulty making decisions in a relationship
Difficulty identifying your feelings
Difficulty communicating in a relationship
Valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself
Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem
Having fears of abandonment or an obsessive need for approval
Having an unhealthy dependence on relationships, even at your own cost
Having an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others 
The following questions can serve as a guide to determine if your relationship involves codependency:
Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner's needs?
Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
Do you cover your partner’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?
Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
Codependency is too complex to pinpoint a single cause. However, it often starts in childhood. Children who grow up in a dysfunctional home often find themselves wanting or needing to help others because the adults in the family can’t or won’t.
20 Question Quiz: Am I a Codependent?
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Transformed - a TRANSFORMED LIFE can only come from a RENEWED MIND

Will my life ever change or am I destined to fail? Is this my lot in life? Why is life so unfair? Does this run in my DNA? Is it my family tree? Is it my parents life? Am I too old to change my destination?
These are some of the questions that I am frequently asked by people that have reached a point of frustration because life seems to never change. They continue to make the same mistakes. Their decisions/choices continue to get them into all sorts of trouble and they never seem to get it right.
Can their life change? Of course...ONLY if they are willing to renew their MINDS... A RENEWED MIND will produce a TRANSFORMED LIFE.
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Breaking The Four Minute Mile - Overcoming Your Own Paradigms

The Bible tells us to take every thought captive. (2 Corinthians 10:5) That means that I have a chance to do something about all thoughts that are not well-pleasing to God, before they enter my heart and become a part of me!
“As a man thinks, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7. What we think about is crucial to who we are. Scientists don’t agree on how many thoughts we have each day, but all agree there are thousands of them. Who we are is shaped moment by moment by the thoughts we choose to let into our mind and heart. But how can we control the thousands of thoughts that enter our mind each day? What do we do with the thoughts that are not pleasing to God? How can we, in reality, take every thought captive?
Often, our thoughts have to be focused on the regular tasks we must accomplish that day. However, as we go through the day, we can catch thoughts and attitudes that are contrary to God’s will and keep them from gaining control of our mind and heart. Paul explains how this is possible: “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.’’ 2 Corinthians 10:4-5. It is written that we need to battle to keep our thoughts pure, but it is also written that we have weapons to fight with!
You view the world through your mental attitude. If that attitude is predominantly negative, it can impact everything, including health, career, family, and more. Furthermore, negative thinking can have a spiraling effect that attracts more negative thinking.
We don't overcome negative thought patterns, we replace them. For most of us, those negative thought patterns are well-worn neural pathways. Four simple steps:
1. Notice when you have started the pattern.
2. Acknowledge that its a pattern you want to change.
3. Articulate what you want to be different.
4. Choose a different behavior — one that serves your goals.
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PARENT FAILS - failing to be Christ-like in the home will reap a whirlwind of destruction sooner than later

Adolescent mental health issues are on the rise especially during COVID-19 and the suicidal hotline has seen a spike in their calls. Their activity has increased by 800%.
We cannot and should not turn our backs on a very evident issue we are facing today. We would like to blame it on social media, the culture of the times and some go so far as to blame it on the presidency. However, the truth of the matter is that 85% of the issues the young person is going through started in the home.
Number one mental health issue: depression
Second cause of death: suicide
FOMO (fear of missing out) - This social anxiety is characterized by "a desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing
 
some of you know what’s happening in the White House but you are totally oblivious to what’s happening in your house.
you don’t know what you don’t know
and ignorance is not bliss... it steals, kills, and destroys
Hosea 4:6 “my people are destroyed for lack of knowledge” (NKJV) - If you can’t define it, you will never defeat it
- Examine me, O God, and know my mind; test me, and discover my thoughts. Find out is there is any evil in me. ~ David
Let me for a moment focus on dads, that doesn’t mean that I am underestimating the power of a mother. Women become moms the moment they find out they’re expecting, Men become dads the moment they carry the baby.
-  the power of a dad in a child’s life is unmatched
-  one hug from dad is worth 20 kisses from mom
-  who we are as dads speaks of who our children will become in the future
your son will become like you
         your daughter will end up marrying someone like you
- men, you have the power to impact your children either for good or for bad, you words bless them or curse them, you have the power to lift them up or tear them down, you can either fill them hope or inundate their minds and hearts with despair
- I have set before you life or death, blessings and curses, choose life that you and your children may live (Deut 30:19)
- as a father you MUST have the mindset that being a father is your most important MINISTRY
You have such a small window of opportunity to impact their lives and to train them up (a child, not a young teen, not a young adult, a child)
- 0-11 trainer coach- 12-18 counselor- 19-rest of their lives advisor
 
• Before you can “train them up” you must connect to their hearts. You can’t lead them by the hand it you haven’t earned their hearts.
- Do you care for me?- Can I trust you?- Can you help me?
Every home needs a Jesus, are you willing to become like Jesus?
4 ways to parent
Rules - Relationship = Rebellion
Relationship - Rules = Aggression
Absence = Desperation (a state of despair) (not quality over
quantity)
Rules + Relationship = Blessings
Truth without Grace = Condemns
Grace without Truth = Condones
Four Basic Needs of a Son/Daughter
1. Love 
2. Security3. Purpose4. Acceptance
 
 

UNBROKEN - finding the lesson, growth, and blessing within the trials you face every day

Trails, for some people, are a curse, bad luck, or perhaps God's heavy hand of punishment over their lives, however for others they are an opportunity for growth, sanctification, and the doorway to blessings.
Trials are the refiner's fire that removes impurities and brings forth the true value and beauty from within us. Trials are processes that God allows us to go through. He doesn't orchestrate them or cause them to happen however He uses them for our good. 
Job, after having lost all that he had, stated " my ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you" - Job 42:5 Trials will cause us to develop a hunger and thirst for more of God. And in the middle of the process is when God becomes much more tangible to us.
~IF YOU ABORT THE PROCESS YOU FORFEIT THE BLESSING~
Verses:
He has made everything beautiful in its time. (Eccl 3:11)
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. (Psalm 34:7)
You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book? (Psalm 56:8)